Wednesday, November 30, 2011

Be Still

Be still, my soul: the Lord is on thy side. Bear patiently the cross of grief or pain. 
Leave to thy God to order and provide; In every change, He faithful will remain. 

As this semester winds down to a close, I can't even begin to describe all the things that are bombarding my mind and heart right now. I feel so blessed, overwhelmed, excited, joyful, scared, thankful...torn. Part of me is so glad to be going home to my family and friends, but the other part of me is sad and uncertain to be leaving this place and the people I have come to love here behind. This life has become so normal to me that I almost feel like I am starting all over going back home, and the changes that God has been bringing about in my own heart are still far from being complete! I don't feel quite ready for this season to end...but I know that it must. It is out of my control. 

Be still, my soul: thy best, thy heavenly Friend, through thorny ways leads to a joyful end.
Be still, my soul: thy God doth undertake, to guide the future as He has the past. Thy hope thy confidence let nothing shake; all now mysterious shall be bright at last. 

It was about two weeks ago, when I first realized that the time was really almost up, that i started to experience some anxiety and inner turmoil. I started to come up with a lot of "what if's" in my mind, and began to dwell on the uncertainties of the future, which is never a good thing to do! Questions, doubts, fears...I knew the enemy was planting these things in my mind but for some reason I didn't feel much up to challenging him. In fact, I didn't feel like doing much of anything. That's when this song came up. It was at church on a sunday morning, and as I read and heard the words...they just spoke straight to what I was going through, and the song has been ministering to me ever since. 

Be still, my soul: the waves and wind still know His voice who ruled them while He dwelt below
Be still, my soul: when dearest friends depart, and all is darkened in the vale of tears
Then shalt thou know His love, His heart, who comes to soothe thy sorrow and thy fears. 

Now, I'm not going to lie and say that I feel totally carefree and happy about the issues that are transpiring inside of me, but I can say that I am experiencing God's peace in this time, and I learning to trust Him more and more. I know that I can enter this next season confident that He will take care of everything that needs to be taken care of in my life. It's only when I waste my time worrying and trying to plan and work out everything myself that I get in a real mess. Whenever I just leave it to Him and trust in His provision, He leads me in the way I need to go, and He will never forget about me. 

Be still, my soul: thy Jesus can repay, from His own fullness all He takes away. 
Be still, my soul: the hour is hastening on, when we shall be forever with the Lord. 
When disappointment, grief and fear are gone, sorrow forgot, love's purest joys restored. 

So...only nine days left here at CCBC. At least for this season. I sure do hope to come back to this place someday - the thought of leaving is proving very hard! Right now the plan is to go home for winter break, and then spend next semester in Kauai, where new adventures are sure to await! In fact, I don't even know why I am having these problems... I'm going to Hawaii in a couple months - I shouldn't be sad! But anyway, I am so grateful to have had this time here. God really confirmed that this is exactly where He wanted me to be, even though I was less than willing to come here at first. It's funny and amazing how God works things out! 

Be still, my soul: when change and tears are past; All safe and blessed we shall meet at last
Be still, my soul: begin the song of praise; On earth, believing, to thy Lord on high
Acknowledge Him in all thy words and ways, So shall He view thee with a well pleased eye.
Be still, my soul: the Sun of life divine, through passing clouds shall but more brightly shine. 

These are some of the truths that I have been meditating on lately, as I daily put my trust in Him: 
1. God will always provide
2. God will always remain faithful (even when I am unfaithful, or faithless) 
3. God will guide my future (He's guided my past!)
4. God is more than able to take care of any problem I am facing (Even the winds and waves still obey His voice!) 
5. Trials and pain are great opportunities to draw closer to God. It is through these times that I feel closest to Him, so I need to cherish and not shun them. 

"Unless the Lord had been my help, 
My soul would soon have settled in silence. 
If I say, “My foot slips,” 
Your mercy, O Lord, will hold me up. 
In the multitude of my anxieties within me, 
Your comforts delight my soul."
- Psalm 94:17-19